Fixing the Super Bowl Half Time Show once and for all

Any successful business owner will tell you they don’t want to hear complaints from their employees.  They want solutions.  Routinely present well devised plans to your supervisor instead of bitching in their ear and you’ll find yourself on the fast track to upward mobility.  The last thing your boss wants to hear is how the guy in the cubicle to your left breathes too heavily or how he ate the last croissant in the break room.  I’m pretty sure that as the owner of your business, he has more important things to worry about.  Remember, friends.  No obstacles, only opportunities.

ColdplayWhile catching up on my reading the other day, I stumbled upon a friend’s article which touched upon this year’s Super Bowl halftime performer: Coldplay.  All I could think about was how we fans bitch about the halftime performance year after year without offering any solutions.

The Black Eyed Peas kicked ass.  They’re one of the more talented hip-pop artists out there.  They were lambasted.  Bruno Mars played basically every instrument known to man.  Heck, he even brought out the Red Hot Chili Peppers to jam with him.  You might as well have booed him off the stage.  And let’s not even touch upon the wardrobe malfunction that shook up the world #nipplegate.

So I’m here to offer up a helping hand.  Knowing you can’t please everybody all the time, I have come up with a sensible plan to appease the masses.  After all, we at SportsChump are progressive thinkers.  We just don’t get paid as such.  Well, that’s all about to change as I’m expecting a phone call from Commissioner Goodell on this one soon.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame broke ground in Cleveland, Ohio in 1983.  It was basically God’s gift to Cleveland for, you know, being Cleveland.

Just as in sports hall of fames, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announces its inductees annually.  For example, this year, Steve Miller, Deep Purple, NWA, Chicago and Cheap Trick (more on this in a later post) are all being inducted into the Hall.

ChicagoI say put them all together and have them play the Super Bowl half time show. Don’t tell me that wouldn’t be absolutely kick ass.

What, they’re busy?  Fuck that.  This is the Super Bowl.  Everyone in the nation is watching.  What could be more important than the most watched sporting event of the year?  Reroute your tour bus to make sure you play a couple tracks at the biggest of all games.  Chicago can open with “Saturday in the Park,” which would meld into Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water” into Steve Miller’s “Fly Like An Eagle” only to be topped off with NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton.”  I want you to want ME!!!

How does that show not bring the house down?

For some ungodly reason, someone decided to nominate Coldplay as this year’s halftime show.  Look, I love a good nap as much as anybody but not during the Super Bowl.

Still don’t think my HOF suggestion is a good idea?

Kiss2015’s line up would have included Joan Jett, Green Day and Bill Withers.  Unfortunately Lou Reed and Stevie Ray are no longer with us but don’t tell me the living inductees couldn’t have rocked “Walk on the Wild Side” or “Couldn’t Stand the Weather.”  2014 would have thrown out Cat Stevens, Linda Rondstadt, Hall and Oates, Peter Gabriel and Kiss.  2013?  Public Enemy, Rush and Heart.  Yes please!

These are all established musicians whose contributions to modern art are unparalleled.  I say we celebrate them by giving them the biggest stage of all.

The best part of all this is we don’t have to worry about them doing something stupid.  They’re in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Odds are they’ve already done it.  And we don’t have to worry about them doing drugs either.  We know they’ve already done that too.

So you can keep your Coldplay, whose eventual nomination into the RnRHOF I’ll probably protest.  Until they figure this mess out, you can find me at halftime expressing more interest in the seven-layer dip.

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16 Replies to “Fixing the Super Bowl Half Time Show once and for all”

  1. This article made me literally LOL. It would be so cool if they’d do it. At best, everyone can do a beer run while ColdSnooze is on

  2. Or you could really go old school and have a traditional half time show with marching bands.

  3. Beag…

    That actually came to mind too.

    And it would probably save who puts the show on a ton of money.

    Although that would mean giving back to the kids and the community, not necessarily the league’s top priority, yea?

  4. Why not?

    Music is a fickle thing…
    I liked what Bruno did…But the BEPeas, not so much.

    You can’t please everyone, but your idea would provide a variety for the unpleaseable as well as a venue for artists riding off into the sunset…Hell, might even convince a few poor saps to venture to that American wasteland called Ohio…All the different HOF’s there are probably the only reason I would ever go there by choice.

  5. NFL demographic and what the hierarchy believes the public wants during a half-time show. It’s either geared towards teenage kids or somehow , they believe whatever’s popular in the world of pop music, will suffice for the masses. Yet , they can always count on perhaps bringing out a major rock group to light up the stage when needed.

    Why doesn’t Roger Goodell and the hierarchy simply leave it to industry insiders to make such decisions ? I mean, his track record on just about everything else not business related to the NFL has to be considered a frigging mess ! Katy Perry was an unmitigated disaster a fews years back . Isn’t it bad enough the league demands financial compensation from the Defense Department each time the National Anthem is played at stadiums around the league to honor the US Armed Forces and now we have this nonsensical bull#hit when it comes to the half-time show at the Superbowl ?

  6. Here’s the thing, Al.

    You’d be hard-pressed to convince me that teenagers are the largest demographic watching that football game.

    It’s my understanding that basically EVERYBODY in the nation is watching.

    With the current state of the league, I can totally understand its wanting to keep the younger generation interested… so what’s wrong with interesting those kids in some musical classics.

    I mean who the hell wants to hear the Jonas Brothers?

    Oh, and by the way, happy belated birthday.

  7. I would be fine with a marching band. The thing is, I want to get back to the game and this whole “must put on a show” thingy keeps these teams in the locker rooms for an abnormal time and limits them getting back out to warm up, stretch out, etc. I’m not going to go all reactionary and say it disrupts the game to the point of affects it but you have to consider some coaches are much better at on-the-fly halftime adjustments than others and have their staffs timed to take advantage as soon as they can get back out on the field. Maybe those coaches and staffs who aren’t as efficient get a little more time to regroup and come up with a counterattack of their own when they otherwise would not if it was a regularly-timed halftime. Just a thought. Your idea makes perfect sense…which is exactly why the NFL would reject it without a second glance.

  8. By any chance, Burnsy, did you catch how long that halftime was for the college title game? After that, plus a long third quarter, I kept looking up at my watch. Not that I was complaining. It kept people in the bar while I was working.

    While the marching band thing is a great idea, and the pockets in the NFL could still find a way to a) make money off it and b) give back to the programs that participated, I’m just not so sure it would ever happen.

    At this point, it’s looking like they might just give Beyonce a lifetime contract.

  9. Pingback: Comedy Central crushes Coldplay with a simple hashtag | Sports Chump

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