The Kiefer goes country caption contest

Kiefer in Lost BoysKiefer Sutherland is a man of many talents.   The son of a famous actor, Kiefer’s characters may actually be more memorable than his father’s.  After Animal House and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and playing that dickhead general in Outbreak, Donald’s released some trashy movies with some pretty uninspiring roles.  Not that Kiefer’s won himself an Oscar either but his daddy never had a cult television show that drew millions of viewers.  Nor was he Ace in Stand by Me, Lieutenant Kendrick in A Few Good Men and of course lead vampire in The Lost Boys.

These days Kiefer is expanding his horizons.  In fact, he’s gone from code red to country.  Sutherland has just recorded a country song called “Not Enough Whiskey,” which is bound to sell copies if only because so many people hope there will be a Jack Bauer reference somewhere in the album.

It’s a country song so as you’d expect it’s about a guy whose girl has left him to drink away his sorrows.  Not exactly ground-breaking material but it’s Kiefer so it’ll sell.

Travolta albumKiefer’s not the first actor to land a record deal.  Shatner’s done it.  Travolta’s done it.  Eddie Murphy, Jamie Foxx and of course, David Hasselhoff have all recorded albums.  But none of those guys have spawned a caption contest.

Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with an athlete today and pair him up with the country, hip-hop, rock or song from the genre of your choosing that he’d be most or even least likely to sing.  The title of the song can be fictitious or real.  A sample song lyric will garner you extra points.

For example, we’d have Ron Artest ‘s classic love ballad “(I Was Just Looking For) A Hug.”

Doused in beer, I hit the stands

Why doesn’t everyone just understand?

I’m no thug,

I was just looking for a hug.


As you can see, a healthy imagination is always encouraged.

The winner of this week’s Country Kiefer Caption contest wins the gold mine, the shaft, a bottle of whiskey, a dead dog, a mobile home, some denim, a tumble weed and a backstage pass to the CMAs… only to be lost once your lover picks up and leaves you with nothing.

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6 Replies to “The Kiefer goes country caption contest”

  1. Jason Bourne can still kick Jack Bauer’s @ss . On to my next question , why is that most two-bit actors believe they have the talent to be singers ? Why do talent-less singers /rappers believe they can act DMX, Curtis 50 Cent Jackson , Redman , Method Man , , Ice T ? Granted , Kanye and Kim do a sex tape , does it make him an actor and her just another porn-star and slut ?

  2. Added some extra comments on the most recent piece . Let me know what you think ?

    Great win by Villanova over the North Carolina Tar Heels .

    Bolts are out of the Stanley Cup playoffs . No real surprise there given the Tampa Lightning’s lack of consistency over their last ten games .

  3. Exciting final basketball game for sure, Al. Wright’s finally got the monkey off his back.

    And the Bolts qualified for the playoffs tonight. They backed in though and I’m not exactly sure this is the momentum they’re looking for headed into the post-season.

  4. Nice Scribble Chump. (How’s that for a Fox throwback?)

    Maybe the best crossover actor/singer is Jared Leto.
    30 Seconds to Mars is rock solid and how can anyone forget his roles in Fight Club or Requiem For a Dream?

  5. …Jack Bauer’s cut was decent…

    I stood in line in front of him about 15 years ago at the Fatburger on Lankershim in Hollywood…Dude’s a freakin midget…Made me feel tall at 5′-10″.

  6. Do love me some Leto in Fight Club, Bleed.

    I felt like destroying something beautiful.

    And I think we all know the line that resonates from Requiem.

    You should have posted Kiefer up outside of Fatburger. See if he called Lou Diamond Phillips for backup.

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