Starring Tom Brady as Clint Eastwood… or Ferris Bueller?

I had this vision the other day of Tom Brady riding off into the sunset after one final, big game victory.

He could always play more football, extending his already Hall of Fame career but at this point, he doesn’t need to.

tom-brady-mag-coverHe’s 39 years old and has all the money, fame and fortune in the world.  He’s considered by many to be the best quarterback ever.  He has a super model for a wife, an extensive collection of Super Bowl rings, a dimpled chin and those baby blue eyes.  Seriously, the entire heterosexual male population of New England proper would gladly switch teams for some alone time with Brady.  If you don’t believe me, just ask ‘em.

But let’s delve into the hypothetical here.  Let’s say the Patriots once again march their way to the Super Bowl, which is a perfectly distinct possibility unless Kansas City and Pittsburgh have a few trick up their sleeves.  I’m not saying another Patriots Super Bowl appearance is a foregone conclusion.  I’m just saying for the sake of this argument, hear me out.

Let’s say Brady gets to the Super Bowl (again) and beats whichever NFC team happens to be there, again, another absolutely distinct possibility.

Inspired by all the Deflate-Gate drama and his probably unhealthy will to succeed, the (surprisingly not so) venerable Brady proceeds to have the game of his life: 31-35 completions, 345 passing yards, three passing touchdowns and an additional rushing touchdown on a last minute, quarterback sneak, giving his team yet another Super Bowl win, the apex of his career, all other Super Bowl wins considered.

Let’s say he decides to call it quits right then and there, right on the field, right after the game, a la Peyton Manning the year before him.  The cameras approach him as they have with every previous Super Bowl MVP and ask aloud “Tom Brady, now that you’ve just won Super Bowl 51, what are you going to do now?”

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (12) celebrates after the NFL Super Bowl XLIX football game against the Seattle Seahawks Sunday, Feb. 1, 2015, in Glendale, Ariz. The Patriots won 28-24. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

And that’s when it happens.

The millions upon millions of people watching expect him to say he’s going to Disney World.  They know he’s going to say it.  That’s what Super Bowl MVPs are paid to say.

But what if he didn’t?  What if Tom Brady took a moment, glared into the camera, with tons of people on the field, even more in the stands and over one hundred million watching on TV around the world and shouted “Fuck you, Roger Goodell!”

That would be the most Clint Eastwood thing ever.

Remember in “The Unforgiven” when William Munny rides into town after Gene Hackman (aka Roger Goodell) had just killed his long time buddy and travel partner, Morgan Freeman (aka Tom Brady’s immaculate reputation)?  Hackman had left Freeman’s body in cold blood, in a coffin outside the saloon on a dark and stormy night.  At the end of the film, Eastwood rides his horse into town and kills just about anyone who had anything to do with it.

tom-brady-is-unforgivenThat would be Brady after his latest Super Bowl victory, spurs a-jingling and revenge a-brewing.  After being suspended four games at the beginning of the 2016 season for playing his part, allegedly, in deflating playoff footballs and having his name drug through the mud, Brady waltzed his way through the regular season as if on a mission (25 touchdowns, two interceptions).  He likely won himself another season MVP and capped it off with a Super Bowl win.

And yet, DeflateGate lingers.  Tom Brady is … the Unforgiven, to anyone outside New England at least.

Yeah, that final middle finger to Goodell would be epic… and tremendously Eastwoodian.

Okay, so you’re not into westerns.  How about a comedy then, Ferris Bueller style?  Tom Brady’s Month Off.  Oh, Tom’s very popular. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, chowdahheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.  Can’t you see Roger Goodell as Ed Rooney with his dress shoes stuck in the mud, sneaking around outside Brady’s palatial estate, trying to find a deflated football somewhere on the premises, only to have Giselle slam the door in his face?  Heck, Goodell and Rooney even have the same orangey hair color and skin tone.


I’m no Brady fan but I like him more than Goodell.  I imagine most of us do.  This could be Brady’s best chance to get the last laugh.  And while dropping an F-Bomb in front of hundreds of millions of people might not be the best thing for Brady’s image and while it might just cost him millions upon millions of dollars in endorsements (like he needs it), you can’t tell me it wouldn’t be one of the most epic moments in NFL history.

He could saunter off the field one final time, like Eastwood after his killing spree, like Ferris exploring Chicago or even like Burt Reynolds at the end of The Longest Yard as he hands the warden the game ball after a well-fought victory against the guards.

Or maybe I’ve been watching too many movies.

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9 Replies to “Starring Tom Brady as Clint Eastwood… or Ferris Bueller?”

  1. 4 out of Superbowl appearances isn’t that bad. Switching your insurance from All State to GEICO ? LOL,LOL,LOL !!!!!

    Tom Brady has nothing more to prove . The NFL hierarchy sought to make an example of him , but the $hit is still piled so high within the league , that the constant smell of it can’t be cleared . For that, the fans can thank Roger Goodell, the owners and the NFLPA (players’ union) . This league has no wish to get its house in order from a competitive or moral standpoint .

    You would think by now , Pat Riley would be willing to admit his mistakes concerning the handling of the following , LBJ’s departure, the fallout with Dywane Wade and the handling of Chris Bosh , with Riley all but calling Bosh washed up . Chris Bosh at 50% , would be better than several of the starters on the current Heat roster and Riley knows it.

    Now Pat Riley is promising to do even better when it comes to their future draft selections. The Miami Heat haven’t produced a player of genuine status, much less an All Star worthy of praise , since they actually drafted Dwyane Wade. Riley may well have a great basketball mind, but as a front office executive , were it not for Micky Arison’s money and his willingness to take a huge gamble, the Heat would be just another mediocre NBA franchise. Given what the fans are witnessing this season , it looks as if things are not turning out the way either Erik Spoelstra or Pat Riley had imagined.

  2. Al…

    I think it’s safe to say the Heat’s best years are behind them. It was a solid run though. Landing LeBron certainly helped. But I’m not too sure paying Hassan Whiteside as your number one guy is the right way to rebuild a franchise.

    Either way, they’re stuck with him now, my friend.

  3. Stuck with Whiteside (who will become a better player) , but if you’re Justise Winslow , do really want to show your head back at AA Arena in Miami , having gone 0 for 9 with no points in a game ?

    So who are your two picks for the national championship game ?

  4. Hard to go against Meyer and Saban at this point, Al, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Clemson pulled off the upset.

    And yea, the Heat are a total rebuilding project right now. They should be irrelevant for some time to come.

  5. Tom Brady as Clint Eastwood…He sure as shit isn’t a William Munny or Inspector Harry Callahan. He’d be more like Dave Garver in “Play Misty For Me;” a guy who creates a lot of his own problems – picture the “Misty ” character as a metaphor for Deflate-gate…it helps if you smoke some good Lebanese hash first – and you’ll see what I mean.

  6. Dub…

    I haven’t seen that flick in ages but she was definitely Glenn Close kinda crazy before Fatal Attraction ever came around.

    So you’re saying crazy stalker people have been around since the dawn of mankind? Who knew?

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