Sports Snobbery, Vol. 6: Super Bowls and Communists

I think I offended someone the other day.  He must have had delicate sensibilities.

Since it’s Super Bowl week, I asked a complete stranger who he thought would win the big game.  I’m a sports fan and an outgoing sort so I just assumed striking up a conversation about the most popular sporting event in the world would generate a spark.

It most certainly did.

The gentleman in question replied with a resounding “Who cares?!?”  It was an angry “Who cares” too, not an ambivalent one.

So, I called him a Communist.  Not that being a Communist is a bad thing.  So what if It’s an outdated, political ideology?  At least it’s an ethos.  For the record, I don’t judge people based on their political beliefs.  I just unfriend them on Facebook.

Furthermore, I would like to be clear.  It’s perfectly okay to be a man in America and not be totally into the Super Bowl just as, for example, I don’t know how to use a caulking gun.  I mean only because half of America watches the Super Bowl, it’s perfectly okay that the other half not.  That afternoon, I ran into that other half.

Please keep in mind that “Who cares?” is an altogether different answer than “I don’t care” which would have been perfectly acceptable.  Perhaps this person may have been a fan of a team that had been recently ousted but that didn’t add up.  If that were the case, he would have followed up his “Who Cares” with an “I’m a _____ fan” which would have explained his position.  Or maybe his “Who Cares” meant this person had something far more important to do on Sunday, like read a book or write a screenplay or spend quality time with his comrade partner who was equally as disinterested in the biggest sporting contest of the year.  If that were the case, I would have accepted “I don’t care” and been on my merry way.

But “Who cares?”  At best, it’s a lazy answer and wholly inappropriate.  I can think of about 1.5 million people who live in Philadelphia proper and ten times that many who live elsewhere who are Eagles fans and have never seen their team win a Super Bowl.  They probably care a tad.  I can think of another 14.5 million who populate New England who would like to see their team win their sixth.  That doesn’t even include countless hundreds of millions of people who placed wagers on the game who might have a financial stake in the outcome.  They probably care too.

The only joy I get in all of this, other than making fun of the poor bastard, is imagining the very next conversation he had.  I see him, all butt hurt after being called a Communist, approaching another person and saying “Do you believe someone just called me a communist for not caring who won the Super Bowl?” to which I can only conclude that that person… would also call him a Communist.

I could have just as easily called him a fascist or a racist or an arsonist but I felt Communist was the best and least offensive option.  What’s worse is that being called a Communist isn’t even necessarily a bad thing.  He probably didn’t even know that, unless he immediately associates Communists with Ivan Drago from Rocky IV which in that case is perfectly understandable that he take offense.  But that would be giving him way too much credit.  If he’s not interested in the Super Bowl, he’s definitely never taken the time to enjoy the cinematic genius that is Rocky IV.

All I meant was that his ambivalence towards the big game was un-American, far more un-American than kneeling down during the playing of our national anthem.

But who am I to get political?

Perhaps this is just another case of me being a sports snob.  Perhaps, as a sports fanatic, I put too much importance on THE BIGGEST GAME OF THE YEAR, one that essentially drives our economy, one that advertisers spend countless millions on in advertising revenue because they know THE ENTIRE FUCKING COUNTRY IS WATCHING!

Think they care who wins the Super Bowl?  You are goddamned right they do.  You know why?  Because they’re not fucking Communists.

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14 Replies to “Sports Snobbery, Vol. 6: Super Bowls and Communists”

  1. You’ve grossly underestimated the size of the Eagles fanbase. The greater Phil-tropolitan are is more like 5 or 6 million. But that’s not the important part.

    What matters is that everywhere I’ve gone this week flying my Eagles colors, I’ve received literally hundreds of comments which while not entirely pro-Eagles were decidedly anti-Patriots. The old saying about “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” is definitely swelling the ranks of those who will be solidly behind the City of Brotherly Love.

    Not to mention, I’ve taken a decidely different approach to communism now that Ivan Drago plays center for Purdue basketball.

    And learn to use a caulking gun

  2. You’re toooooo funny SC.
    Really enjoyed that post. Made me laugh out loud.
    Love the Lebowski pix & Rock references too.
    A fun read.
    So tell me… is there a special category of people you think are okay who just enjoy the SB commercials? U might be related to one of those. Hee hee

  3. You’re right by me underestimating the size of the Eagles fan base. I forgot to count all our nation’s inmates.


    You’re also right about the anti-Pats sentiment. Unfortunately, I’m not sure any of that will matter when they take the field.

    And why learn to use a caulking gun when I can just ask someone nicely to do it for me then reward them proper once it’s done.

    Just throwing that out there.

  4. MoS…

    The Super Bowl is not for everyone. Wait a minute, yes it is.

    Whether you root for one of the teams or not, it’s still a social event that rivals few others.

    And yes, I’ll be watching the commercials.

  5. Social event is the key word(s). Party on – we will be thanks to some friends. Sorry to the Eagles fans but got to root for the Pats. This would be historic if they can pull it off. Must see TV either way it goes. Hope you are not working tommorrow although your tips would be thru the roof

  6. LMAO!!

    I think “Who Cares” blew his BR on the Vikes. Btw, was this guy named Bud Grant?

  7. Inmates? That’s big talk coming from a fan of a team quarterbacked by CrabLegs McRapey.

    And as for using a caulking gun…sure why bother achieving even minimal masculinity through simple home maintenance? Probably because you’re that guy who greets your hired maintenance guy at the door driniking a mimosa wearing a open bath-robe.

  8. Good read Pep ?
    I don’t care who wins…cause I’m a RAIDERS fan.
    …and as for the inmates, be careful, I have a few delicate sensibilities myself.
    As I will be in Philly next month on business, I’m going for green and hope the eagles ? soar over NE.

  9. Yeah. A woman in a flannel shirt and a tool belt. She probably also has a better golf game and a hotter girlfriend than you.

  10. You lost me at, “Not that being a Communist is a bad thing.”

    There’s about 100 million corpses that would disagree with that.

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