It’s not even football season yet and all I hear about is quarterbacks. America’s obsession with the most high-profile position in sports has reached disturbing heights, some might say for good reason.
Maybe that’s because we all miss football season so. The NHL and NBA playoffs are upon us yet here I am counting down the days until our annual, fantasy football draft/whiskey-drinking extravaganza.
Not a single a pass has been thrown and quarterbacks are still grabbing all the headlines. From Aaron Rodgers to Jordan Love and back again, here’s a list of the names you’ve undoubtedly heard about even if you’re trying not to.
Since I’ve already mentioned his name, let’s start with last year’s MVP, potential future Jeopardy host and guy who is most certainly not buying Jordan Love any Christmas presents this year: Aaron Rodgers. Who would have ever thought that after Draft Night, the only NFL team with a question mark at the quarterback position would be the Green Bay Packers?
Aaron Rodgers is, currently, the starting quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, we think. All this could change at a moment’s notice as, depending upon what side of the bed he wakes up on, he either still wants to play for the Packers or would rather be traded to a team where he’d feel more appreciated. No NFL MVP has ever left his team the following season which makes the entire, rather tenuous situation inconceivable… until you consider it revolves around Aaron Rodgers.
His name has been linked to numerous, other NFL gigs except that his salary carries a lot of weight, making his options limited. Despite the fact that he won last year’s MVP, he’s also 37 years old. While you might retort that last year’s Super Bowl winning quarterback is six years older than that, I’d counter that a) there’s only one Tom Brady and b) Rodgers’ 37 is substantially older than Brady’s 43 based on their styles of play.
Either way, an already competitive NFL team would be foolish not to push their chips into the middle of the table if they felt landing Rodgers could get them to a Super Bowl, as long as the ever-sensitive Rodgers is on board which, as we stated earlier, depends on what side of the bed he wakes up on that particular morning.
Another one of America’s darlings, who plays the same position, or at least did years ago, is trying out for tight end. His name is Tim Tebow. Like Brady and Rodgers, he’s no spring chicken either. (Note: he’s 34.)
Want to know how strong Tebow’s cult of personality is? The guy hasn’t played a down of NFL football in nine years and news of him trying out for his former coach sent the talking heads at ESPN for a whirl. Nothing like mentioning Tim Tebow’s name to pump some life into a slow news day.
Seriously, if Tebow catches a single pass as tight end for the Jacksonville Jaguars and doesn’t wake up to cartoon birdies flying around his head, I will buy everyone here a beverage of their choosing.
Speaking of knocked out and jobless, Deshaun Watson went from being the hottest free agent quarterback of the summer to potentially being out of a job some twenty-odd personal massages later. Talk about an unhappy ending.
Watson was once one of the top young prospects in the league. After countless massage therapists alleged that he inappropriately accosted them, Watson has descended into quarterback non grata in one cruel summer.
I’m not sure what happened in those private rooms or if he’ll ever throw a pass again (of course, he will) but he sure as massage oil might have cost himself a nine-figure contract.
Speaking of young quarterbacks, those that actually have jobs, five signal-callers were taken in the first round of this year’s draft. Clemson’s Trevor “Sunshine” Lawrence became Urban Meyer’s second favorite quarterback ever as he was drafted by Jacksonville. He will not be competing with Tim Tebow for the starting position, at least we don’t think so. BYU’s Zach Wilson was drafted second overall by the New York Jets and will undoubtedly fall short of Joe Namath’s legacy… just give it time. North Dakota State’s Trey Lance was drafted third overall by the San Francisco 49ers who have had two different quarterbacks take them to two different Super Bowls in the past nine years. Perhaps the third time will be a charm. Alabama’s Mac Jones and Ohio State’s Justin Fields were drafted by New England and Chicago respectively and will fight for those starting positions against Cam Newton and Andy Dalton.
Here’s an interesting prop bet for you. See if you can find whether or not a quarterback will win NFL rookie of the year. If you can find a plus number on any other position player, I’d take it and run.
Drew Brees has retired leaving a question mark in New Orleans. Saints’ fans are inexplicably looking forward to Jameis Winston replacing him. That optimism should last until halftime of Week One’s opener. The early off-season rumors regarding Russell Wilson leaving Seattle have silenced as have the concerns about Big Ben bolting from Pittsburgh. Jalen Hurts will be starting in Philadelphia (we think), Carson Wentz will not be starting in Philadelphia (we know), Ryan Fitzpatrick will begin next season playing for his ninth NFL team, Sam Darnold’s a Panther, Matt Stafford’s a Ram, Jared Goff is a Lion and Dak Prescott’s still a Cowboy… finally.
Meanwhile, one aging quarterback, a man named Brady, has been enjoying his off-season, nursing an avocado tequila hangover and polishing yet another championship ring.
Football season, my friends, cannot come soon enough.