Back to the Grind for Urban Meyer

Allow me to sit here in my judgy chair, put on my judgy pants and rant judgingly about a man that was recently caught in a rather compromising position.  Keep in mind the man I’m about to lambast once coached football at my alma mater and left the program in questionable fashion, so I may be a touch biased.  Either way, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

Late last Thursday night, somewhere in Cincinnati, Ohio, head football coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars was caught crotch-to-rear with a young lady not his wife.  It was not the best look ever for an NFL head coach.

While R. Kelly once crooned there ain’t nothing wrong with a little bump n’ grind, we all know how that ended up for Mr. Kelly and how it could end up for coach Meyer if he soon doesn’t transform those dance floor L’s into gridiron W’s.

While it’s unfair that celebrities of a certain status don’t share the same right to privacy as the rest of us, such is the price of fame.  As for Meyer’s wife, who he had dinner with hours before the incident, one can only speculate she wasn’t all that happy with her husband’s latest online video feed.

I don’t know if Coach Meyer has some sort of Andrei Kirilenko agreement with his wife of thirty-five years where he is allowed to do as (or whom) he pleases but this is not the first time that rumors of this sort of behavior have surfaced about the man who once coached both Florida and Ohio State.  If Jacksonville didn’t know what they were getting with the guy, they didn’t do their due diligence.

Seriously, can you imagine Romeo Crennel doing something like this?  Or how about Bill Belichick?  As hysterical as that visual might seem (and it is pretty damn funny), someone who has been put in charge of grooming one of the game’s top young quarterbacks, someone who was hired to turn around a long-struggling franchise, should probably not be chasing skirt hours after his team just lost its nineteenth consecutive game.  Again, it’s not a good look.  We don’t know what’s going on inside that Jacksonville locker room but all signs point to a mutiny and this ship has barely set sail.

Urban Meyer is 57 years old and, I repeat, married.  It is probably about time he grows up and stops hitting the clubs for a while.  I’m 53 years old and RUN a bar in the heart of Tampa’s historic party district and you don’t see me doing that sort of thing.  That’s probably because my girlfriend would cut off my johnson but more so because I like to think I know how to act.  Sometimes, at least.

Look, Urban Meyer can do what he wants.  He’s just going to face the wrath of a nation if he keeps grab-assing blonde co-eds that he’s not married to.

Let’s address the other elephant in the room that’s perhaps more disturbing than Coach Meyer’s alleged infidelities since his wife obviously doesn’t care what her husband does in public.  Why is he wearing white shorts?  When’s the last time you wore white shorts?  I once bought a pair of white pants and a patterned shirt for a Red Bull event I was slated to cover down in South Beach.  This was ten years ago.  I haven’t worn them since.  Nothing screams popped collar, white shorts and espadrilles more than a 60-year-old creeper looking for a quick make-out session as he walks you to your car.

I fear we are weeks away from some detached Tiger Woods-like, sex addiction press conference.  The first step is admitting you have a problem, coach.  Meyer has only his family and his higher power to answer to but he did violate a code of conduct policy that prompted the Jaguars owner to say continued behavior of this sort would no longer be tolerated.  Meyer has publicly apologized. He might want to follow that up with some wins to give us something else to talk about.

I think of coaches like Jon Gruden who walk into their office right around the same time Urban is having last call and wonder why he’s not taking things as seriously.  Again, the Jaguars have lost NINETEEN STRAIGHT GAMES!!!

I recognize that Meyer is flawed just like the rest of us but there had to be a point that evening, as this woman engaged him in conversation, and later her ass, that he realized, regardless of whether it was caught on someone’s cellphone, that he was doing the wrong thing.  Or perhaps we’re holding him in too high a regard, especially considering his track record of loving ‘em and leaving ‘em.

White pants, viral videos or not, maybe the next person to love and leave Meyer in return will be his employer, his wife or his locker room, if that hasn’t happened already.

4 thoughts on “Back to the Grind for Urban Meyer

  1. There’s a reason he can’t stay anywhere too long – he’s a dirtbag. I can’t help but think eventually the skeletons will come out regarding both his personal and professional life. Just a guess on my part.

  2. Moose…

    It’d be a bio nobody wants to read.

    Big game for him this weekend that will tell a lot about where his team is.

    They host the Titans, who should by all accounts beat them.

    Do the Jags come out and shock the world or do they lay down with the hopes it’ll get their coach fired?

    Either way, I’m laying off the game because I can see both things happening.

  3. So…this is what we’re down to? I’m supposed to be shocked Urban Meyer is a scumbag? In other news, the sun rose in the east this morning and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

    Shit like this is why the Jags are a trash fire. Am I supposed to believe either Said Khan or anybody around him doesn’t have an internet connection? All it would have taken is a simple web search to see the slime trail Meyer has left ever since Gainesville.

    So, here’s the question. If leopards don’t change their spots, it’s safe to assume Jaguars don’t either. Who do you blame; the guy with the 20-year track record of scumbaggery, or the guy who hired him?

  4. Dubs…

    You know I’m a sucker for an old SNL reference. RIP Chevy Chase(‘s career).

    (Whoops! Hope I don’t get banned for that joke like I did Twitter for 12 hours for making a David Spade jab. Oh, that’s right. I run this site and can say what I want.)

    In his desperate desire to win, clearly Said Khan forgot that a) college coaches don’t translate to the pro game and b) Meyer has been doing this kind of shit for years. Or maybe he just never knew.

    For the record, we’ve banned guys from my bar for doing less than Urban Meyer does on an average night out. #CoachCreeper.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*