Shut The Funk Up, Vol. 2: The Jeff Garcia-Boz Scaggs Edition

I don’t like Mina Kimes.

That doesn’t mean I don’t watch her.  She’s on basically every one of ESPN’s numerous information outlets so she’s hard to avoid.  I listen to her.  I’m just not particularly a fan of her work.  To be fair, that’s an opinion I share for most of ESPN’s on-air personalities.

However, just because I don’t like Mina Kimes doesn’t mean I don’t respect her opinion or question her ability to report the news or break down game film as she sees fit.  Any male sports fan who has a problem admitting Kimes is on the air because she knows more about football than you is the same type of guy who starts bar fights for no reason.

It is perfectly okay to not like Mina Kimes.  It is even acceptable, and perhaps even natural, to be intimated by what she knows or admittedly sometimes doesn’t know.  What is NOT okay is to say she’s ill-equipped to do her job because she’s never thrown a pass in the NFL, which is code for, she’s a female so she must not know what she’s talking about.

Enter Jeff Garcia.

Jeff Garcia is a former quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers and apparently founding member of the He-Man Mina-Haters Club.  When Kimes recently criticized current 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo for his play, which is her job to do, Garcia quickly came to his boy’s defense as if she had offended Jimmy G’s sensibilities and Garcia needed to defend his honor.

In fact, if anything odd emerged from all this, it’s why Garcia felt the need to protect Garoppolo so adamantly.  Jimmy G’s a big boy.  He’d probably even agree with Kimes’ criticism of his performance.

For the sake of specifics, this is what Kimes said about Jimmy G.

“Jimmy Garoppolo isn’t the reason they’re winning. They’re winning with him, but not because of him … He posted the second lowest QBR in 15 years [against the Packers].  Since joining the Niners, he has two touchdowns and five interceptions in the postseason.  These are not advanced statistics. The dude is just simply not helping them win.”

It’s not exactly the hottest take in the world but it does (however fairly you might deem) criticize a quarterback who went deep into the playoffs running an offense that’s not built around fun and gun.  Garoppolo was 12th in the league this season in passing yards per game, 17th in touchdowns and 20th in pass attempts.  Again, not exactly Brady or Burrow-like but that’s not what he’s asked to do.

In his first two playoff games, he threw two interceptions and not a single touchdown.  You watched the games.  You can determine for yourself where you stand on Jimmy G.  And you know what?  I won’t even criticize you for it, regardless of your race, creed, gender or whether you’ve thrown a pass in the NFL.  I’ve run this website for just shy of thirteen years.  I haven’t played a lick of professional sports so where’s Garcia’s beef with me?

Garcia’s retaliatory Instagram post made him look as if he’s grooming himself for NFL ownership.  Have a look see.

His comments were not only angrily insensitive, but they were also woefully uneducated.  We’d just experienced the most exciting playoff weekend the NFL had seen in generations and there we were talking about Jeff Garcia and Mina Kimes.

So yes, Jeff Garcia, it’s time for you to Shut the Funk Up. 

It was tough comparing Garcia to a funk legend, but one stood out more than the others for reasons about to be discussed.  Garcia had a better than serviceable ten-year NFL career, half of which he played in San Francisco.  He had a .500 record as a starting quarterback (58-58) and compiled 25,537 passing yards (good for 74th all-time).  He threw for twice as many touchdowns (161) as he did interceptions (83) and was selected to four pro bowls, not Hall of Fame material but certainly noticeable and memorable for his contributions. 

Accordingly, I wanted to go with a funk artist who, like Garcia, had some hits but wasn’t overwhelming in the grand scheme of things.

That’s when I stumbled across Boz Scaggs and found he fit the bill.  Scaggs never had a number one hit, but his most famous songs “Lido Shuffle” and “Lowdown” were inarguable toe-tappers.  You’d be hard-pressed driving around any town in the mid-seventies and not hearing one of these two songs blasting from someone’s car radio, with an almost guilty feeling for grooving to them, the kind of guilt you’d feel by admitting that Jeff Garcia was a good quarterback.  They had similar careers in the sense that you wouldn’t necessarily recall them as great, but at times, they were damn good.

Scaggs was ironically born in Canton, Ohio, a place where Garcia will never be honored.  Scaggs also found his musical voice in San Francisco, where Garcia played his best football.

There’s no shame in admitting Jeff Garcia was a good quarterback.  He led three different teams to the playoffs: San Francisco, Philadelphia, and Tampa Bay.  Similarly, there’s no shame in admitting Boz Scaggs put out good music.  His 1976 Silk Degrees album received Grammy nominations and LowDown won a Grammy for best R&B song, which in case you haven’t noticed, they don’t just hand out to white artists.

So, like Scaggs, Garcia succeeded in a game dominated by color.  He just needs to stay off Instagram.

For more Shut the Funk Up, see Volume 1: The Aaron Rodgers-Bootsy Collins Edition

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3 Replies to “Shut The Funk Up, Vol. 2: The Jeff Garcia-Boz Scaggs Edition”

  1. So, this is where we are? Now, I get to make Jeff Garcia the poster child for “free speech” ergo “The People vs. Larry Flynt?” Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a defense of what Garcia said; it’s more of an attack on some logic I could drive a truck through.

    “…and there we were talking about Jeff Garcia and Mina Kimes.”

    Uhh…who’s “We?” If you’re are part of that “we,” then you’re consuming far too much of the slop ESPN produces. Worse yet, you’ve fallen for the “dog and pony show” approach that sports media has become. Just like the concentric rings of the cesspool that is cable news, the World Wide Bottom Feeder now is little more than “Shout” media, and neither side is bringing any thing worthwhile to the table anymore. Stop consuming all things ESPN, it’ll rot your brain.

    “What is NOT okay is to say she’s ill-equipped to do her job because she’s never thrown a pass in the NFL, which is code for, she’s a female so she must not know what she’s talking about.”

    You radar must be tuned to “hyper-sensitive,” because I read that Garcia quote several times, and I’ll be damned if I couldn’t get the sexist angle from it. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t get past the signal-to-noise ratio of the brain-numbingly level of dumb in that statement. Or maybe it’s because other than the use of gender-appropriate pronouns, Garcia never makes reference to sex. “She” does not equal “Kimes can’t say this stuff because she doesn’t have a penis.” Your “code” put those words in his mouth. Would you have written this with the same righteous indignation if the identifying terms were replaced with “he” and “Skip Bayless?” You’re not…even though everything Garcia said about Kimes also applies to Skip. If you doubt that…

    “…so where’s Garcia’s beef with me?”

    He doesn’t have one. Remember, by your “code,” this is all because Kimes is a woman.

    I know at our age sometimes it’s easy to gt off track when you suffer from occassional irregularity. Try some psyllium fiber and give it a little time before you hit “publish.”

    P.S. Fuck you for reminding me Jeff Garcia was a Philadelphia Eagle.

    P.P.S. Right now in my “Drafts” folder, there’s an episode of “Misty Water-color Memories” about the song “Lowdown” and being in a Shoney’s in Tennessee with about eight guys I’m convinced were Klansmen.

  2. Dubsy…

    I’m not too sure I’m willing to give Garcia a pass on this one. And criticizing Bayless, well that’s just easy pickins.

    Besides, I’m not too sure Garcia would say something like that about Bayless which is exactly the point. If he’s not saying that about male reporters who were equally as critical of Garoppolo, then why tee off on Kimes?

    Oh, and if you like this one, wait til you see who I roast on episode three. I can promise you, this guy’s got it comin’.

  3. Pingback: Shut the Funk Up, Vol. 3: The Antonio Brown-Sylvester Stewart Connection - Sports Chump

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