SportsChump goes full TMZ Paparazzi with “Lionel Messi Shop ‘Til You Drop” caption contest

Attention Football Shoppers and Captioners alike!

Before we embark upon our latest soccerin’ succotash, I must give credit where full credit is due and that is to both my Cuban-American brother Kid Sheraton, and my Serbian-American brother Marko, who combined to inspire this latest caption contest, which I have entitled “What does Lionel Messi eat for dinner?”

When we think of the world’s top-tier athletes, especially those who sleep on mattresses made of money, we presume they all have dieticians and personal chefs who count every calorie as if it’s their last, providing them with the healthiest, most delicious of meals.  Their bodies are their livelihoods, the food they ingest giving them with the vitamins and minerals to perform their craft at the highest level.  LeBron James may promote Sprite but he sure as hell ain’t drinking it on the regular.  Wine is his vice of choice.

Speaking of a man who loves his carbonated beverages, mixed with a healthy dose of Bacardi, Kid Sheraton recently sent me this picture, which a friend had sent to him, of Lionel Messi shopping at his local South Florida Country Isles Weston Publix.

In case you’ve been living under a rock or are simply not a fan of the beautiful game, the world’s greatest soccer player has left Barcelona, where he played for 21 years, and decided to come westward to play for Inter Miami.  Messi will get paid about $60 million per year as part of a contract that runs through 2025.

$60 mil buys a lot of dieticians although, after rummaging virtually through Mr. Messi’s shopping cart, I question whether dieticians would approve of his not-so-lean cuisine.

When I showed my Serbian, soccer-loving brother the picture I’d just received, he was not so much fascinated by the picture of Messi but rather what he’d just purchased from the grocery store.

Is that, no it can’t be… frozen pizza?

I have been to Argentina.  I have tasted their pizza.  I can assure you that it is one of the world’s most underappreciated delicacies and that no self-respecting Argentinian would ever be caught eating DiGiornio’s.  Perhaps Lionel Messi has already become too Americanized.

I’m not sure I can make out what else Mr. Messi has in his cart, but it doesn’t look like it came from the produce aisle.  So, your task at hand, dear reader, is to scour through Lionel Messi’s shopping cart, find out what’s in there and perhaps outline a more proper and healthier diet. 

The winner of this week’s caption contest will win one frozen bagel bite, one Spanish lesson courtesy of SportsChump (no debo nunca comer pizza refrigerada) and the knowledge of where the world’s most famous soccer player now shops for his groceries.

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4 Replies to “SportsChump goes full TMZ Paparazzi with “Lionel Messi Shop ‘Til You Drop” caption contest”

  1. As a mom of 3 teenagers still at home, I 100% know that man has some Reeses Puffs and Lucky Charms cereals….not to mention, who can pass up a BOGO deal at Publix???

  2. My caption: “I’d rather go grocery shopping than watch a boring soccer game!”
    Sorry dude, can’t stand the game. I only watch it when the US is playing in the World Cup. If they aren’t playing, I don’t watch it. Would rather pluck my eye brows! As for the women? As long as Ropenis is on that team, I’m not supporting them!

  3. BCole…

    I wonder if, after getting paid that much money, whether Messi’s eyes open when he spots a BOGO deal and whether the cashier looks at him funny when he does.

    As you suggest, it’s the power of the BOGO.

  4. Dan…

    As always, good to hear from you. Hope all is well in the Ville.

    As a non-soccer fan, I thought long and hard about how to respond to your comment.

    I too only watch soccer once every four years…. BUT… I do also watch the US women’s soccer team, and support them, as well as their right to say as they please.

    I’ve never been a shut up and dribble guy, as you know, and I do even understand how some of them #Megan can rub people the wrong way. However, the fact that these women have been hand-picked to represent their country, they should damn well be given the right, as all Americans are, to voice their opinions on what concerns them.

    That being said, Brother Jeff would be more than proud of your stance.

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