Shut the Funk Up, Vol. 4: The Reporter at the Luca Doncic press conference-Mary Jane Girls Edition

I began a post just the other day with the following words…

“A funny thing happened on the way to these NBA playoffs.”

That officially now includes not only the games we’re watching but also the post-game press conferences, for in the Oklahoma City media room, immediately after a Thunder-ous loss to the visiting Dallas Mavericks, we heard gratuitous groans of pleasure.

Ready to field questions about his team’s road victory, Luca Doncic had barely wiped the sweat from his brow, when he heard moaning.  His reaction is priceless.

It doesn’t take much for the internet to explode these days but someone getting caught downloading pornography at an NBA post-game press conference will just about do it.

Not long ago, we here at SportsChump Manor introduced a series of posts called Shut the Funk Up in which we combine our love for sports with our love for all things funkadelic.  In the past, we’ve brought together Aaron Rodgers and Bootsy Collins, Jeff Garcia and Boz Scaggs, and Antonio Brown and Sylvester Stewart.

In this latest edition, we embarrassingly introduce background noises, some reporter with a porn problem and the Mary Jane Girls.

Poor, exhausted Luca Doncic had his mind on other things, that is, before the moaning.  Falling three assists shy of another triple-double, his Mavericks had just played a game in which they led comfortably throughout.  His opponent this round, the young Oklahoma City Thunder showed their inexperience and fell flat in Game Two.

But that’s not the point.

I’m not exactly sure what happened in that post-game press conference.  I’m not sure if someone snuck into the back room for some inflagrante dilecto.  I’m not sure if someone was downloading a Tik Tok video they shouldn’t have.  But some member of the media was caught red-handed looking at an explicit video at a time that was most in apropos.

Ages ago, I worked with one fellow who got caught downloading porn.  His office computer sent a virus throughout the entire company.  Whoops!  I’m not sure got hit with some untimely malware but I can’t imagine whoever that cell phone belonged to will be employed for much longer.

In this overtly sexual version of STFU, I would never tell Luca to shut the funk up but rather the doofus that had porn on his phone right before his line of questioning.  Please Dear God, let him work for ESPN!  PacMan Jones visiting a strip club before his appointment with Commissioner Goodell to discuss why he shouldn’t be visiting strip clubs thinks that’s a bad idea.

Our funkalicious comparison to Thursday evening’s faux pas can only be the Mary Jane Girls.

You know the Mary Jane Girls and from whence they got their name.  The sexy, sultry back-up singers earned their claim to fame by performing with uber-sexual Rick “Super Freak” James until they branched out and recorded hits on their own, including “In My House” and “All Night Long.”  In 1985, “In My House” reached number one on the US Dance Charts, going viral before we knew the term.

The group got their name, obviously, as Mary Jane is another name for marijuana.  Whoever unplugged their phone to porn noises at Game Two’s press conference must have been high as well and like the Mary Jane Girls, their career will probably last as long.

Barely able to contain his laughter, Doncic muttered the words “I hope that’s not live” as whoever that was fumbled for their phone’s volume knob not quickly enough.

Rick James is the only one who could have pulled off a line of questioning with that sort of moaning in the background.  Unfortunately, he’s no longer with us.  As for the young reporter with a porn problem who won’t be with us for much longer either, here’s the video vixens themselves, the Mary Jane Girls, for you to groove to while you update your resume.  Give it to me, baby!

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