As my home, the peninsula formerly known as the Sunshine State, continues to get battered by hurricane after godforsaken hurricane, it has become hard to think of something quippy to kick off these weekly predictions.
Here’s to sports constantly serving as a distraction for us when we’ve all become exhausted from hours of moving rain-drenched furniture to the curb, squeegeeing immeasurable amounts of dirty water from a home you’d sneak away too, all the while staring at the water line along the insides of the house that got up to five feet.
To my friends who also suffered loss of property, or worse, here’s thinking of you in your time of need.
Now, off to some football. This week, we invite back Fox’s College Football Wizard, Lisa Horne, whose material can be read at Pigskin Grind. Here’s hoping for a quick return to normalcy.
$50 on Cleveland Browns at Philadelphia Eagles (-8 ½)
I live in Tampa and haven’t heard Jameis Winston’s name mentioned as much as when he played here back in 2019. That’s because Winston is the backup to America’s most hated quarterback DeShaun Watson. Karma has so messed with Watson’s head that he’s forgotten how to play the game. Here’s a stat for you. Watson ranks 26th in passing yards, one place behind Bo Nix, who runs an offense within which they don’t pass, and one place ahead of Jacoby Brissett who, now benched for Drake Maye, may have started his last game as an NFL quarterback. Browns fans are hoping the same fate will befall Watson, but the team remains on the hook for his debilitating salary, which accounts for 11% of the entire Browns roster. And for all this talk of a vaunted Cleveland defense, look no further than the 33 points they let up to the Cowboys and the 34 points they let up to the Commanders. This week, the crumbling Brownies face a Philadelphia team that’s coming off a week’s rest and has been stewing about their loss to the Buccaneers for two full weeks. The Eagles should get both AJ Brown and DeVonta Smith back which will open things up for Saquon Barkley who is now chasing Derrick Henry for the rushing title. As Cleveland continues to implode, this has all the makings of a scrimmage. Philly covers the 8 ½.
$40 on Chargers/Broncos Under 37 ½
What happens when the two best defenses in the league square off against one another? You get a real low over/under prediction, one that is so low that you’re obliged to bet it over, because that’s what Las Vegas wants. But that’s not what I’m doing. They generally don’t set NFL games much lower than 36, even though they have, but they don’t get that low that frequently. This over/under opened at 37 ½ and some books have it as low as 35 ½. Consider if you will, the Chargers, under new head coach Jim Harbaugh, are allowing a league low 12.5 points per game. Consider that the Denver Broncos under Sean Payton, who is happily reminding everyone he can still coach, are allowing 14.6 points per game, which is tied with the Pittsburgh Steelers for second. Consider that the Broncos recently won a game in which their rookie quarterback Bo Nix only threw for 60 yards, marking the first time since 2007 that that’s happened and the first time EVER that a team has won a game with a quarterback passing for less than 2.5 yards an attempt. I haven’t watched a Broncos game yet this season. I’d rather read old issues of Reader’s Digest for equal levels of excitement, but what they’re doing is working as the Broncos are in second place in the AFC West and somehow, have a +23-point differential, which is astonishing considering they can’t score. Anyway, that’s a lot of talk just to tell you I’m taking the under in this game just because I must for shits and giggles. Tune this game on, take a nap, and rub your eyes as the ticker ends with the combined score under 37 ½.
$30 on Arizona Cardinals (+5 ½) at Green Bay Packers
What we have in Green Bay this weekend is a battle between two sub-par defensive teams. We also have two offenses that can put up points in droves. The last time I placed a wager involving Arizona on this site, I took the over with them and Washington. This was way back when (two weeks ago) when we still thought Jayden Daniels couldn’t put up points on any team at any time. I liked Arizona to win but more importantly, I bet the over. Arizona got destroyed but the over still hit because their defense couldn’t stop Mr. Daniels. This week, they’ll face a hearty Green Bay offense who ranks fourth in yards per game, and that includes the games Jordan Love was injured. Arizona is too inconsistent, scoring 41 one week and 13 the next but they are coming off a confidence-building win in San Francisco where they were down by ten in the fourth quarter. They’re simultaneously fun and frustrating to watch, I can’t imagine being a fan. They’re getting 5 ½ against a team that’s only blown out the Titans and has played four close games against its other opponents, games in which they went 2-2. I’ll roll the dice with the feisty Cards and take the points.
$20 on Ohio State Buckeyes at Oregon Ducks (+3 ½)
This is the game Oregon wanted. This is the reason Oregon joined the Big Ten. For moments like this. No disrespect to the Pac-12, whose final season may have been its best, but it’s opportunities like these, the night you get to host one of college football’s most storied programs, on your own turf, on your own terms, when you must take advantage. This is the biggest game of the year, outside of Georgia-‘Bama. #2 Ohio State travels to Eugene to play the #3 Oregon Ducks. We know the Horseshoe gets loud, but I can’t imagine Eugene ever being any louder, unless of course, the Buckeyes punch them in the mouth at the first whistle, which is perfectly possible. Both teams have looked outstanding. Ohio State hasn’t played a close game yet this season, their closest last week, a 35-7 blowout of Iowa. Oregon hasn’t looked as polished, stumbling at times, not as machine-like as the Buckeyes but again, if they squander this opportunity at home, well, they might well as never joined the conference in the first place if they didn’t think they can play with the big boys. This game will fall squarely on the shoulders of Heisman candidate Dillon Gabriel, fifth year senior quarterback, who is leading the nation in completion percentage. He’ll need every bit of that accuracy against an Ohio State defense that is allowing under a touchdown a game. You can find Oregon getting 3 ½ points at some services and while betting against the Buckeyes is rarely a wise choice, I can’t help but think this might be the night the Ducks quack last. I’ll take the home team plus the points in what should be one of the most entertaining games of the college football season.
$10 on Detroit Lions at Dallas Cowboys (+ 3 ½)
Speaking of teams that must win games, the Cowboys have yet to win a home game and haven’t played one in three weeks. They have won their last two on the road, however, against two feisty teams, New York and Pittsburgh. This week, they return home to face Detroit, a team with obvious playoff aspirations and that has looked better, or at least more consistent than the Cowboys. They have two running backs whereas the Cowboys have none. Jared Goff has multiple targets to throw to while Dak Prescott has one. Neither of these teams are lighting it defensively. In fact, it’s safe to say that both, especially Detroit, have been disappointing. I’m torn between taking the over or Dallas and the points. In real life, I may parlay both. I promised myself I’d start betting with trends and not against them. Detroit remains piss poor against the pass and that’s what Dallas does. With time running out on Dallas’ relevance, this is a game they have to win, not only for the standings but for their own confidence. I like this game high-scoring but I’ll take Dallas plus the points at home.
Lisa Horne’s Picks for the Week (Career 6-9, -$150)
Seattle +3.5 v SF because I’m a Raiders fan and I hate the 49ers even though we are no longer in the Bay Area.
Jacksonville +2.5 at Chicago because I live near JAX and Trevor Lawrence’s hair will be undefeated starting Sunday.
Vegas +2.5 v Pittsburgh because RaiderNation! Just win, baby!
Detroit +3.5 at Dallas because I’m also a Washington fan and we hate Dallas.
NY Jets +2.5 v Buffalo because eventually the Jets have to have a winning season, right?
KP’s Weekly Picks
50: Missouri Tigers (-27) at UMass Minutemen
40: Clemson Tigers (-20.5) at Wake Forest Demon Deacons
30: Houston Texans (-6.5) at New England Patriots
20: Pittsburgh Steelers (-3) at Las Vegas Raiders
10: Washington Commanders (+7) at Baltimore Ravens
well…. I stink at this. LOL
Pimpin’ ain’t easy, Lisa.
I was surprised when you went full NFL across the slate instead of college. It’s okay, I didn’t fare much better and Kevin is off to a blazing start. Fuckin guy.
I blame the storm, rattled our senses.
Stay tuned next week for updated standings which you may, or may not, want to look at.
Either way, we’ll get ’em next year, champ.
Thanks, as always, for participating.