I know this sounds like the beginning of some cruel joke, and it is.
I also know that in retelling this story, I should tread lightly and unjinxingly as the Browns are in town this week playing my beloved Buccaneers, which is exactly why…
A Cleveland Browns fan walked into my bar.
He was nice enough. Properly dressed, naturally humbled like most Browns fans after years of futility, their team an afterthought (at best) or laughingstock (at worst), irrelevant for so long, yet somehow still, their fans proud, almost bafflingly so.
The game not played until Sunday, I found Tuesday a bit early for Browns fans to be in town but, as he quickly explained, he had traveled to Jacksonville for last Sunday’s game and decided to spend the entire week in Florida since the Browns were playing in Tampa the following week, for what every Browns fan hoped would be a different result.
In the most lopsided outcome of Week One, the Jaguars manhandled the Browns, 34-10. This Sunday, they play against their former quarterback, Baker Mayfield, who they collectively adore more than their current one.
But back to the Browns fan.
After a brief chat, he asked me if I could make change for a twenty-dollar bill.
I promptly returned his change while counting it out in front of him. Trying to be quippy, I joked “Since you’re a Browns fan, would you like $18 change for this $20,” implying that the inherent pain of being a lifelong Browns fans leaves them short changed. He got the joke.
Without hesitation, he came back with the one-liner of all one-liners.
“Sure, but you’re gonna have to kick me in the nuts first.”
I laughed out LOUD!
If that sentiment doesn’t perfectly encapsulate the sheer misery that has overcome a fan base, I’m not sure what does.
Unbeknownst to many not from this generation, Cleveland was once a dominant football franchise before there was thing we call the Super Bowl. Cleveland still touts what many consider the greatest player of all-time, Jim Brown. And before that, there was a fellow named Otto Graham. You might want to look him up if you’re unfamiliar with his work.
Since then, however, the Browns have become synonymous with struggle. They boast only one playoff victory since 1995, that in 2020. The winning quarterback of that game? You guessed it. Baker Mayfield.
Few other franchises, and fan bases, in professional sports can relate to the abject misery of being a Cleveland Browns fan.
At least they have a sense of humor about it.
You must have a sense of humor
I’ve received and sent every Browns meme out there